The Bat Phone

The landline telephone here on the Windswept Acre is not ours (Sanday Spinners) nor is it mine, or even strictly speaking is it Mr L’s. It is in fact paid for by Mr L’s employer and it is his work phone. I try hard to discourage use of the number by friends or casual callers and it was naturally infeasible to use it for Sanday Spinners.

I had a mobile phone kicking around – I won it in a Da Vinci Code promotional competition about 7 or 8 years ago I think. I refused to use the damn thing. I hate telephones at the best of times but I happen to believe that mobile telephony is in fact the work of the devil. The worst invention that Man ever came up with. Why in anyone’s imagination would I wish to receive a telephone call when I am out? It’s crazy.

Ahem. But I digress…

So – I have this phone and it is barely used and so we elected to deploy it as the Sanday Spinners direct line. I call it the Bat Phone. (It makes me feel more fondly towards it.) Occasionally, it does actually ring. It rang today in fact. I had no idea what the noise was and it took me a while to register before legging it up to the studio to take the call.

The big problem is that I have no idea how to drive it. I can about answer a call when it rings but finding missed calls and dealing with them is a big problem for me. So, apparently, is attaching a name to a contact number. I cannot drive the keypad at all. I can’t find the Space character nor the backspace/delete to the left key.

The thing that drives me totally up the wall about this phone is that the screen blanks and darkens within seconds. A very few seconds. By the time that I have looked down to see what key to press, the display has gone. That fast. Yes. So this means that when it sits on my desk, permanently plugged in on charge… I cannot see if I have any messages. I have to remember to press a key to look. I don’t often remember… and today I found two calls from the last two days. Only they were not under Missed calls. They were under Answered calls… even though they were not. I cannot figure that one out.

It’s all a mystery to me so this afternoon, instead of spinning, I have looked out the handbook and am trying to make sense of it. It is not working out well so far so… if you have a Sony Ericsson K750i… can you possibly help me out and haul me into the 21st Century, please? (This part of  this post is serious – I mean it. I’d value some direction.)

One word of warning – even if I do learn to drive it better, I am still not taking it out and about with me as a matter of course. OK? I’ll call you when I get home… if I happen to notice you’ve rung or the phone itself does not arbitrarily assign your call to the Answered list… I will never, EVER text you.

Sheesh – is this any way to run a business?

Don’t answer that question! (Besides, I am very good with e-mail you know.)

Maybe one day BT will have some additional capacity and we can have a second line…

In the meantime, there is always Skype. I can almost work that one properly! And it’s free. Skype me! I am sandayspinners2 You can see if I am online via our Contact Us page

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